Frustration

Today started off badly. It began last night actually. The amount of work I had to complete just suddenly got to me, and I felt this huge wave of irritation, not so much sianess as compared to irritation, just sweep over me. I was fed up with work, I was fed up with debates, I just couldn't bear the thought of having to plow through another Lit essay, and at the end of it bother writing out stupid econs outlines. And then as I thought about debates it really irritated me that I had to stay back so late again. Really, what's the point when you seem to be putting the cart before the horse?

And I guess this irritation just funnelled through to the morning, and was aggravated by the numerous absentees. Why do I have to turn up day after day when plenty of people around me seem to be able to just come at their own whim and fancy? Is there a point to attending useless lectures and tutorials? Tomorrow will be a case in point. Class attendance will be abysmal, that I can foresee, and yet once again I will be there, sitting through a waste of a day supporting God knows what. I suppose I should be thankful for my excellent health, that I can continuously attend school without fail. But sometimes, like today, seeing so many self-declared holidays really makes me sick, sick of school, sick of work. I wonder really, if there is a point to coming to school. And of course I know the answer is "yes", and I know all the various justifications. I also know that my not going to school just because others don't is nonsense and is a logical fallacy. I also know that there are many other people, especially teachers, who put up with so much bullshit and nonsense from students day after day. I wonder after witnessing the ruckus in class today how they can go on teaching.

And yet, despite all of this head knowledge, heart knowledge just failed me today. I just needed an avenue to vent out my frustration, and yet I find no logical avenue to do so, or even a reason to be angry, because really, I have no justifiable cause to be angry. But I still am.

Oh well, at least training wasn't that bad. Dan Chi and her friend Jimmy came down to visit us today. Had a nice time chatting through the session. And Thursday's session doesn't sound too bad. It's strange, you know. I dreaded the training and yet I left feeling okay, even happy. I hope tomorrow will be better. I need a break.